JuNE 28, 2007

I finally understand
I've always considered myself to be well educated. I went to a great high-school and now attend a wonderful university studying journalism. I pride myself on understanding worldly issues and staying current on international conflicts that affect our society. But I have been blindsided. Without expecting it, my life has been forever changed.

I came to the UK as part of the SMU-in-London study abroad program this summer. I had a pessimistic attitude when I began my internship for a London-based, non-profit gun control organization called IANSA. It was an odd choice for an internship, especially coming from Texas, where we have a shotgun at every entrance in my small country home. What was I doing here? I didn't believe in the organization's mission and I didn't understand its radical point of view, but I kept my mouth shut. This was my job for the summer, so I decided to work my hardest and be as tolerant as I could, considering my situation.

The staff in the office saw the irony in the whole situation as well; a Texan working with gun control. I was even the subject of some office humor one day when our organization received a less-than-friendly e-mail from a conservative group of Americans calling our efforts for stricter gun control outrageous and a lost cause.

"You dirty liberals just need to stay out of our business!"

A man in our office who received the e-mail just laughed and exclaimed, "Kaci, did one of your relatives write this e-mail to us?"

We all laughed, but in the back of my mind, I was thinking, "Probably."

It wasn't until an intern named Jane came into the office later that week that I finally listened to what was actually going on in the world.

Jane is studying at Oxford and has come a long way since her terrifying days in Sudan.

I thought I was well-informed of the issues of Darfur, but that was the problem. I was only informed, not shown.

Jane and I were talking over lunch when she opened up and told me her story.

"I'm relieved to be away from Sudan, but I still worry every day for my family and friends. Some of them, I  have no way of contacting. I haven't heard from my mother in over a year. If there was some way for me to know that she is alive and healthy, I would be forever grateful."

I had never really thought about not being able to get in contact with my mom before. I've always taken my cell phone and internet for granted. I probably talk to my mother at least four times a day, even though we are 3,000 miles away.

Then Jane went on to tell me the gut-wrenching experience that caused her to run away from home.

"One day my boyfriend and I were walking down my village road when a rebel stepped out in front of us with a rifle and said 'I'm going to kill one of you. Which one is it going to be?' My boyfriend, without any hesitation, pushed me over to the side and said 'Take me, not her.' The rebel told me to run home and whatever I do, don't look back. I had one last look at my boyfriend before I started to run home, and that's when I heard the gunshot."

What did I just hear? What if that had happened to me? What would I have done? It finally sank in.

"I never made it back home. I just kept running and running until I finally felt safe."

Learning about all the statistics on illegal small arms that week, I had no doubt in my mind that the gun that killed Jane's boyfriend came from the U.S. For the first time, I felt ashamed. All I could do was apologize

"Don't feel bad for me," Jane said, smiling. "That experience in my life has made me strong. Look what I'm doing now. I'm not letting my boyfriend's death be in vain. I'm just telling you my story so you realize."

Going abroad, being out of my country, has helped me to realize how blessed I truly am, and that there are people in places that really need help. I know I can never put down into words what I felt at that moment, but my actions will always portray my new perspective on life. I'm aware that I cannot single-handedly change the world, but if I can just save one person in my lifetime, I believe my mission will be well worth it.