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Feedback & Questions
Something's happening &
I'm not quite sure what it is. I've
been trying to normalize my food,
stop smoking, see my nutritionist,
therapist, etc.... Once a week. I'm
on an anti-depressant. I've put on a
lot of weight (10-15 Ibs) I'm not
happy about this at all. And it's because my binges are still happening
but instead of me restricting severely in between, my nutritionist
has been encouraging me to eat normally at the times I feel like restricting.
Supposedly my binges are
supposed to stop happening as frequently & as intensely. I thought it
was working for a while, but as the
last month has progressed I find my thighs rubbing together more,
my clothes are tighter & my double
chin is reappearing. This really
sucks! I'm so sick of this. I feel
different. But, I know not drinking
is the best thing for me right now.
There have been moments
when I haven't been active in binging or restricting. And those are
the times I have felt most active. I
have felt a part of the world.
Thinking about those moments
(Wyoming, the games, parents
weekend)... it's like I can almost
feel a gust of autumn wind blow
across my face. My hair swings
back & I can smell the onset of
winter. It's incredible. It's the
freshest feeling I've ever had. It's
how I want every day of my life to
be. In order to achieve that I must
stop drinking & my eating disorder.
Sometimes I think God
should have set up humans so that
they didn't need food, drink, etc.
... Their source of energy should
stem from love. If they were loving to God & people around them,
then others would love them back
& that's how they would be fed.
Then food, alcohol, drugs, etc.
wouldn't be around & addictions
wouldn't exist. Our bodies would
be the way God intended. If they
didn't love & weren't kind, then
they wouldn't receive the love of
others so they would die. Then
there would be no bad people &
our society would be harmonious.