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Feedback & Questions
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10/1 I've tried several things but, I can't stop eating. I've been binging non stop for 6 days. I've probably gained 15 or 20 Ibs. I can't bring myself to puke no matter how ill I feel. I've tried a couple of times but haven't been successful. I'm sick of this and I seriously can't fight it anymore. No one understands it. Not even other bulimics. Eat to the point that I think I'm gonna die. I think my point is to die. I've been trying to kill myself every time I overeat. No one can help me. I'm desperate & I can't fight this alone. I'm tired of doing it alone. My body is crying for help. I'm crying for help. I want to die. I'm sorry. 10/2 1:12am Okay, I'm back & I'm better. Things are gonna shape up. Dying isn't an option, I know that. I'm gonna stop pouting & waiting for someone to fix it. I'm going to stop being so sensitive when people don't call or don't make & effort to be w/me. I'm going to try & stop taking everything so personally & remember the world doesn't revolve around me. When I hear that negative voice shouting from inside me, I'm going to tell it to shove it. I'm angry w/ that voice & I refusse to let it take what's left of my life. I've lasted this long & made it this far, there's no way I'm quitting. I'm going to stop sitting around feeling sorry for myself & beating myself up. I don't feel stupid for sharing my life story w/ Ashley ... I was in need. So what, if I talk a lot about recovery, my E.D. etc ... It's a huge part of my life ... I'm smart, determined, funny, pretty, caring, considerate, loving, a hard worker & thoughtful. I have plenty of friends. I'm going to stop putting my life on hold until I conquer my eating disorder. My life is my eating disorder. My eating disorder is a huge stepping stone in my life. Life will not wait for me. I can conquer my E.D. & live at the same time. It's probably better that way. Plus, I will have stuff waiting for me when I awaken from this nightmare. I am no longer scared. God's watching & warning me he's fighting next to me. I will not quit. I forgive myself for days of binging. It hurt, but now I am ready to be kind to myself again. It was only 6 days of my life. |
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