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I am your excuse, your outlet for pain and your best support. You've
needed me to survive the last years. I make you isolate and forget your
problems. I numb your feeling and make you warm inside. I protect you
from the world which can be so bitter and heartless. I make you miss out
on the "precious present." I make you sick. I make you cry. I make
you emotional. I make you crazy. I make nothing else matter. And, if you don't
let go, I WILL MAKE YOU DIE. I make you feel lonely and scared. I make
you feel worthless and sorrowful; I also give you strength and energy.
I feed you and you me. Our relationship has become detrimental in all
its complexities. Over the year I've pushed you, drive you, and comforted
you. I've always been there for you when it seems no one cares or knows.
But, it's time for you to grow up...to move on to bigger and better things.
You've taken everything I say so seriously. From the first time I spoke
to you when you weighed 107 lbs. "You're gonna be a fat girl and you're only
13! Better watch it!" I labeled food good and bad. I've told you you're
fat and worthless. I've told you no guy would ever like you because you're
fat. I've told you you're a failure and a disappointment to your parents.
I've told you its amazing you have friends and unbelievable anyone could care for such
a sick slob. I've said the most terrivble things anyone had ever said to you
and you're listened as if I were God. You've taken it all to heart and let it shape
and mold you. I control your life. In order to get rid of me you must stop listening
to my terrible voice. My advice has gotten you nowhere. You need to realize you
have give me complete control and then you need to take back what is rightfully yours.
You must stop feeling through me and face the intensity of those feeling alone.
You must top using me for protection and excuses. In order to get rid of me you must
stand up for yourself and believe in yourself. You must learn to love yourself
and stop waiting for my acceptance...for I will never approve. It is possible
for you to exist without me. You must find your own identity and become your own person.